Week 3 - The Self Connection Cycle.
The process of uncovering what you love.
Essentially all models are wrong, just some are useful - George E.P Box.
Why does following what you love help you connect better to those around you ?
As if you find someone who genuinely loves what you love. The probability of connecting goes through the roof. No matter how weird or wonderful your interest is.
One of my favourite quotes that represents this is by Adam Grant from his book Give and Take.
“We gravitate toward people, places and products with which we share an uncommon commonality.”
There is no right way (BUT there is an authentic way for you)
I used to feel frustrated with the question… So what do you want to do with your life after school?
As I had moments when I had a-lot of answers and moments when I had just one. I didn’t feel as connected to the inner Liam, as my loveable cousin Brett would say.
The luckily it’s not a linear answer, and it’s never too late or too early to start! The most useful model I have found is too look at it like a cycle compared to an outcome.
It is ever evolving and expanding, yet it can also stay the same for a long period of time.
Eg. Leonardo Da-Vinci versus Roger Federer. Two genius’s in their respective crafts and loved what they do.
Leonardo a polymath (Many cycles)
Federer with one dedicated sport. (One long cycle)
The Self Connection Cycle.
Sometimes just do what you love, or are passionate about?
Feels too generic and you don’t know where to start.
The question makes you feel intimidated like an uninspired fart….. (Forgive my poor poetry haha)
Liam Shakespeare :
Luckily interests, curiosities and fascinations are then the easiest starting blocks that set off the rest of the cycle. Steve jobs was interested in Calligraphy which seemingly had nothing to do with Computers, yet became critical to Apples design later on.
Caveat: We will still likely feel all emotions - frustration, anger, sadness, boredom, anxiety and those are a normal part of life. As my Dad reminds me - Liam sometimes you just have to do stuff you don’t like.
Yet our emotional state, when we follow this internal cycle will naturally foster more of the emotions that make us feel deeply connected to ourselves.
Therefore, even if we don’t know exactly what we want yet, by showing up as curious, interested, loving and doing meaningful work. We will naturally start to attract more of it.
The Connection Cycle steps explained in more depth :
Reflection and Refinement - This helps narrow and let go of any of the elements that don’t serve. Helping reflect on what you are most interested, curious and fascinated by. At Constant Student we run through a specific exercise called interest mapping to start the cycle, which is incredibly useful.
Action and Practice - Once you have more interests and curiosities. You can’t just sit in your room and reflect on them. You have to test them out and take action on those interests. Researching, practising and putting in the effort.
Growth and Progress - Once sufficient energy and effort has been put in and we start to see improvement, we will naturally start to bring a greater sense of passion, excitement and enthusiasm to what is possible.
Service and Contribution - Then people will likely start to see the skills and knowledge you are developing. You then begin helping people with the lessons, knowledge and skills you have acquired. This then leads to a sense of purpose and meaning.
Then the cycle repeats and further reflection and refinement takes place to eliminate the overwhelm and set your priorities. Meaningful work, dose not mean you always feel excellent, yet you do feel it was worth it even when the going got tough.
Therefore the process of connecting to oneself is an honest and intrinsic cycle. Clarity dose not happen in one moment. It is a practice to cultivate daily.
This process can also be thought about with convergent and divergent thinking.
The amount of things we are interested in is often more divergent and expansive. Casting out a wide net. However, as we follow the cycle we become more specific and targeted.
Eg. We change from I’m interested in Sport - To I find playing tennis and hitting volley’s in doubles in incredibly fun with my cousin.
Lastly, I believe it is about following, and not finding.
It’s follow your bliss. Not find your bliss. Finding is finite. Following is infinite. Stay connected to the infinite. As that’s where true self connection lies.
Remember, Uncover your Truth. ♾
Liam
Thanks for this ! "Clarity does not happen in one moment" - truth. I think it never ends.